2-Jul-08 (Wed) After a lot of discussion (negotiation?) late this morning, on my fortieth birthday, Alex has COMMITTED to moving here and attending school! She'll be a junior at Castro Valley High.  Josh and I are extremely pleased, as it had been rather emotional for us, taking this gamble of moving out to California last year when she was so adamant against the thought for so long.  She's here now visiting for a few weeks, then she will go back to New Jersey for most of the summer and to get her belongings shipped. Alex and I are in the market for a Yorkie or other small, hypoallergenic dog, so we browsed a bunch of web pages for that. We're being very picky though.

I dozed through turning forty on the BART train at 7:28am today. I live in the same time zone I was born in now, so the moment was precise. I've been tired because of the antibiotics that I'm on and it's been a long week with having to pick up my daughter from the airport so late Monday night (she missed her first flight). Fortunately Jack in the Box is open 24 hours because she had a hankering for it at 2:30am Tuesday morning when we finally got back to Castro Valley. It hurt to get up extra early yesterday to take her to my Mom's, but it was worth it for her to spend the day with her and Nicholas and Sabina's dogs in what is normally not such a busy household. Last night when Josh and I took the BART back to South Hayward (our old stomping ground of sorts), we spent the evening and a lovely meal with Mom, Italo, Alex and Nick. With my encouragement, Josh is increasingly comfortable holding our nephew, which is good practice for the two he has on the way. Nick seems to be fixated on Josh's big blue eyes since most people in our family have brown.

The issue I've been having with two infected fingernails apparently needed antibiotics, so I'm glad I went to the doctor. They already feel a lot better. I was determined not to be in agonizing pain on my birthday and during my party. I had already let it bother me through Pride, which is why Pride (and the pictures we took from it) are so low key this year. The mediocre weather didn't help either. After going out and getting a pool to inflate and fill up in time for my birthday, it looks like the weather is going to warm, but probably not hot enough for a dip that day.

25-Jun-08 So I'm finishing my fourth decade next week and I'm optimistic about the future, especially since people say you sort of reach a level of respect and maturity that comes with the age. I hope to have that worldliness and wisdom that Oprah talked about when she reached the landmark year. I try not to be too vain, but I was happy that my friend Christina doesn't think I look like I'm in my 40's. I'm not trying to look young, but hope my being a non-smoker kept me from looking as old as my relatives did at this age.

It may be surprising, but I'm going to be working on my birthday. It's on a Wednesday, so I don't know what I would do if I took it off. I'm hoping to have a quiet dinner with a few close friends and family. We'll see how many people are able to make it to the July 4 "event" we're having. I'm not sweating it.

One of my friends since middle school, who himself just turned forty "uneventfully", asked me if I miss New York. I know I miss my precious friends from there, who I used to see often, but the city itself I believe is what he meant. I know I miss having everything at my fingertips (24 hour services, countless choices of places to eat, etc.), but at the same time I don't know if I need everything available all the time in my life. The internet helps us to obtain knowledge and access to so many things. Plus, California has been so good to me since I returned, that I really don't feel like I'm missing out the way I did when I moved back to California the last time (in 1980).

19-Jun-08 I'm really excited about my daughter visiting at the end of the month right after Pride. She has matured so much I've noticed since her last trip here in April, and we have been communicating quite regularly about substantive things. She's already done with her school year and enjoying time with her friends in New York, going to the beach, etc., as she will be doing in August. She's coming to visit for the month of July, but it looks more and more like she will move here to start her junior year of high school in September. That would make me so utterly happy. I have been actively gathering the documentation I need to register her with school. Her mother has been very cooperative, but the school in Irvington, NJ has not been. I wasn't originally on the contact card, and then they busted my balls about having to "come in" to sign a document to relinquish the transcript to the new school. I have a call into the principal and hope I don't have to go NY lawyer on them.

Shortly after she gets here I will celebrate my 40th birthday. My present from Josh is a canopied, comfortable swinging chair that seats three. We will mount it on the highest platform in our backyard. We also got an above-ground pool that we can lounge in when it gets hot this summer.

My sister and I are communicating once again after a falling out. We are taking small steps to talk out the problem we had about a month ago and we are going to hang out next week one-on-one and see how we can better communicate our reservations with each other in the future.

After a few weeks of "post-op" challenges, my relationship with Josh has emerged stronger and with a clear focus on the future, although we are still going to need to put some work into it. I'm thankful in particular to a few family members and friends for their encouraging words during some of the low points. Josh and I are planning to strengthen our relationship with several material steps that we are taking and I'm excited about how much better it should be, more than three years into it.

I would advise that anyone who is undergoing surgery and taking an opiate like vicodin to please avoid making any major life decisions while on the stuff. If it makes you uncomfortable, get on another painkiller. While I haven't gone through this first-hand, now that I have discussed the "side effects" I observed, a lot of people have come out of the woodwork to tell me how unpredictably they acted while using this prescription drug.

11-Jun-08 There was a crazy, young, relatively clean-looking hippie wannabe on the train this morning who belligerently wouldn't let anyone sit next to him during rush hour and kept his feet up on the seat next to him. Several women approached him asking if he was seriously intending to stay in that position. He said he was "very tired" but was seemingly wired and awake (not like some hobos who occasionally doze off and take up more than one space). At one point he tried to act crazy so people would leave him alone by jumping up and saying "We're all commuting to work! Freedom of speech!" To one older lady he said "no disrespect, but I'm just really, really tired." She told him he was rude. Some other guy offered the older woman his seat and then headed to the next car and reported him on the intercom. No one wanted the whole train to be delayed, but I was hoping he would be confronted by BART police, at least. The female conductor announced over the speaker "Let me know if that guy got off at this station". When he heard the announcement and a third woman tried to sit next to him, he begrudgingly sat up right and stayed on for one more stop. He didn't appear to be intoxicated, but he certainly had an anti-establishment chip on his shoulder. I think they should have come and given him a summons, even if they had to use the excuse that he was drinking vitamin water, but I guess they didn't know if he was armed and likely to harm people if he was locked into the car with us.

4-Jun-08 Josh snored louder than normal last night, but his breathing didn't seem dangerously obstructed, and he didn't even wake up needing more pain medication at any point, thankfully. He administered his last dose to himself last night of the painkiller and antibiotic. Today Rick is off work so he can keep an eye on him.

3-Jun-08 Josh's surgery (tonsillectomy) went without a hitch yesterday. They said they were concerned about him coughing at first, but he was able to speak pretty quickly and the pain medication seemed to work effectively with the liquid doses he was prescribed. I got to the hospital in less than 15 minutes from the time they called. Because of the chaos at work in the morning I didn't think I'd get there until far later, but there was no traffic and it was mostly taking the highway through town. I wasn't particularly in a domestic mood, but organizing the cupboards and pantry seem to be my forte, as well as organizing the very well-stocked refrigerator, which has countless leftovers from our shopping last weekend and Rick's pot luck birthday party. I had to crash for a siesta since we woke up around 4:30am to get him to the hospital on time. I helped Josh remove the sticky monitors that were embedded in his fur. He did not opt for my suggested "1-2-3" method, so I had to carefully cut around them as he chose to endure the slow agonizing process of pulling them off over time.

Josh and I watched Frida Kalho, the Selma Hayek (who I always confuse with Penolope Cruz) movie. As Josh advised me, it was excellent. I liked that it made Frida much less of a off-putting celebrity to me, lesbianism aside. I think it's inspiring when movies show that you can make it big if you sleep your way around! Obviously the sex was partly to sell the movie. Josh had seen it a few times and loved some of the passionate Spanish-language songs from the soundtrack. I was disappointed that it was 99% in English and it was unrealistically easy for people from several different countries to communicate without translators. I understand that the film had a lot of symbolism, though, as it was about artists. Josh momentarily thought it was based in Spain, probably because Selma Hayek is from Spain.

2-Jun-08 I went to visit Mom for a while with Josh. Nick was there and so freaking adorable. He smiles so much and is practically walking. Within a few weeks Mom and Italo are really going to have to babyproof that house, because they cannot watch him every second at this rate, and he's into everything. Josh got to hold him, which was really the first time since Josh was neither sick or otherwise beholden to everyone else in the room who wanted to hold Nick first. It also helps that Nick is so less fragile. He's 11 months old now, but was born two months premature. Nick seemed particularly intrigued by Josh and couldn't take his eyes off him. Maybe it's Josh's blue eyes.

When Italo got home I was touched at how quickly he made way for his son and showered him with attention and kisses that made NIcholas light up like a bulb. He's a great father and I do think Nicholas looks a lot like him, but also very much resembles April. As I thought of Nicholas wandering around the same hallways and floors that we did as kids, I realized with some reminiscent conversation that ensued that Italo is probably the most reliable person to seek out the truth from in my immediate family, as he was always the quiet/listener type. In a way I envy how laid back he is, but I'm just not the same character, and that's what makes the world go around.

My cousin Giuseppe has been chatting with me more regularly since his son was born. I'm so happy for him and Claudia, but sadly, after two months of suffering, Giuseppe's other grandmother passed away recently, not long after Daniele was born.

1-Jun-08 We dropped off Rick in San Jose in the morning and he spent the day with his family in part for his birthday, but also because his great-grandmother is very ill with kidney failure. Josh, Guido, Eric and I went to Santa Cruz Pride. I got to see parts of the town that I never walked through before. The downtown shopping area had been leveled in a 1989 earthquake and there are still tracts that are being built up, quite nicely I would add. We did eat out on the pier at this nice place with very attractive waiters. We then walked back and forth on the boardwalk but there was very little sign of the gay population that had congregated earlier in the city park. It was a nice, full day, though.

31-May-08 Today we had a party for Rick's birthday. It is his actual 26th birthday. The turnout was great and it was nice to meet tons of his family, some of which came from Sacramento and some of which lives nearby in San Leandro. There was a mix of gay friends and doting family and girlfriends of his who he has known a while. After all the anticipation, his parents did not come, and would not let his little sister come, but his older sister, who is entering into the police academy for San Jose this year, was able to come and seemed to have a good time. There was tons of food and Rick's parents at least made some of his favorite dishes and sent it along to the party.

Blog Archives